Friday, October 31, 2008

Costumes, Mamma, Punchface, Voodoo

Happy Halloween everyone. I am getting excited to work all freaking night long serving pancakes to ingrates. Whoopeee! If you missed it, I am going to dress up as Billy Mitchell for Halloween. I have the costume all worked out now, so it should be fun. My brother is being Waldo and my sister is being Dora the Explorer. I am jealous of only one costume this year, and that would be Karl Pilkington's. Best costume I have ever seen and how it fits him!

Since this is a special Halloween Post, I thought I should post some Halloween clips. First up, perhaps the scariest death scene of all time from some 80's film featuring Anne Ramsey of Goonies and Throw Mamma from the Train fame. Man she was an awesome actress. The question is...what is she saying...Damn Shids?

Next up is some guy getting spooked pretty bad and having a poor reaction to it. This cracks me up.

And finally, for nostalgic purposes, this is from the Trilogy of Terror. I watched this when I was like 5 on T.V. and it scared the pee out of me. I was thinking about it recently and found it on youtube. It cracks me up the noises this little voodoo doll makes as its trying to kill her. Especially as it comes running yelling through the door towards the end. Little Psychopath voodoo doll reminds me of the Tasmanian Devil on a sugar high. Its just really funny stuff. You only need to watch like the first 4 minutes of it though. the rest is quite boring.

3 videos today! Triple Bonus
Pancake house here I come.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Hello All.
Today I gave a presentation in my Marketing Class about Rosehill Dairy, which is a local milk delivery service I have been addicted to for the last couple of months. I had to dress up for it in shirt and tie. Right now though, I am growing a nasty beard and moustache for Halloween. One of my friends commented that I look like a homeless guy that somebody gave their nice clothes to, that I reminded him of the "fake teachers" on that show Drillbit Taylor. I said thank-you. Anyway, the presentation went well and I think I probably should get paid for how many people I convinced to suscribe to their product. It was more like a salespitch than a presentation. But it is dang good milk for a dang good price. if you live in the logan area.

I had a bet with my friend Mark about who our mutual friend Brad Grandy was going to vote for in the election. He has been very hush hush about it and said he would tell us after he filled out the ballot. I sincerely thought he was going to go the Obama route, and secretly we were "campaining" for him to vote for the canadate that we had individually predicted. I had to play Devil's advocate for a long time and push him in the Obama direction, which was really hard. He must have noticed something was up after a while, because last week he said, "All you to talk to me about anymore is politics!", and this got us both laughing pretty hard. The bet was for a peice of pizza from the Hub, not the crap kind...I am talking bout the BBQ chicken pizza. Anyways, come to find out, for him it came down to a coin toss. After studying both sides for a long time he was just too indecisive. And he voted for Mcain. I could have sworn he was going to go Obama. But anyways I ended up having to buy lunch for Mark today and am pretty mad about it. I think that the bet should be off since the coin decided, and not Brad.

Speaking of Obama...anybody watch that half an hour long ad last night? I made it for about ten minutes and it was just getting too cheezy for me. I thought I had better watch it since he is going to be the next President of our country more than likely, but it was just to self-aggrandizing. You would think he is the second coming of Jesus Christ the way that ad spoke of him. I mean come on!

Does anyone else think that John Mayer is just plain creepy? And him getting with Jessica Simpson...and then Jennifer Aniston doesn't help matters. In this picture he looks like a fat Johnny Depp in the Edward Scissorhands role...agreed?

The video today is just weird and slightly disturbing so do not watch if you are extremely sensitive to stupidity. Its no secret that I have followed Dr. Phil's career closely, his show is the best bad T.V. around. His advice to people in trouble is either to read one of his books, or non-existant. Exploitation is his game. I am sure there exist many Dr. Phil posts for future blog entries. This summer was a plethera of entertainment from Oprah's pal, from Brat Camp, to House of Greed, to a man who wrote a book called "Men are better than women", but lets start this off the right way, with the absolute weirdest one of all. A little setup is necessary for this clip. Dr. Phil is going to interview this guy who makes these videos called "Bumfights", in which he pays money to Bums on the street to fight in front of his camcorder. Dr. Phil is ticked about it and is going to tell him off. But then Dr. Phil throws an unexpected curveball. Beware, the bumfights stuff is disgusting and violent.

Now this is what is so awesome about this clip. First of all, why the hell is the guy dressed like Dr. Phil with the same haircut? Is that odd to anyone else? Was he going to claim that he is the Dr. Phil of the streets? Secondly, this was obviously planned. Dr. Phil had seen the footage before, his crew put together the montage! He knew it was graphic! But then he acts like it was the first time he had ever seen it and pretends to be so shocked that he will not talk to the guest. The bumfight guy is right in that Dr. Phil deals in exploitation of the worst kind, but pointing to bad behavior does not justify bad behavior. The best is when Dr. Phil claims that he is not going to advertise for Bum Fights, he will not have that on his show. But he did have it on his show! And knowingly! He had to have seen that video before. So the whole thing is just another publicity stunt! This thing would be funny if it were not so odd. Or just maybe Dr. Phil was angry that the guy looked just like him and decided to make up an excuse to not put him on the show at the last minute. Oh television. More Dr. Phil news for a later date.

Sorry, it was a rather long post today. Lots to rant about.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Elvis C., Urine and Babylons, Funny Pranks

Man oh man oh man. All I have been able to listen to for like the past 3 days is Elvis Costello. That guy is the insanely good. And I have decided that my favorite song by him is Oliver's Army. That may be a weird choice but it is what it is. I just like the whole weird 50's pop vibe that he had going on. So different than anything of that era.

I am learning alot in my Physiology class about the body and what it does. Today my teacher was learning me about the structure of the kidneys and all. I looked at a sample of my urine the other days and it had a bit of cotton in it. I don't recall eating cotton.

Weird Physiology fact of the day: The average world age when children stop breast-feeding is not 2, nor 3, nor 4, but 5 years of age! Who are these people? I figure when your kid gets old enough to start talking to you, its time to cut them off from the mamma cannons. Seriously, 5 years old? Worse part is this is supposedly the natural and healthy way to do it! So if you deny the kid when he starts begging for the Babylons, then you are basically hurting their immune system, since IgA antibodies are transferred through breast milk. Sorry this is so graphic, just I have been thinking about it alot. 1 year is maximum I say, regardless of what is healthy and natural. I saw talking, walking, kids with teeth bossing their moms around when it was time for a feeding in Guatemala and it was not a pretty sight.
If you cannot picture how old 5 is, here is a refresher. Most of the little rascals were 5.

To finish with today...this made me laugh pretty hard. Especially the fact that he has done it several times and they have not told him what they are doing. Genius.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Right. I have decided that all these emo kids look like their hair is trying to sneak off without them noticing.

I watched Lauren Conrad on David Letterman last night and it was pretty funny. At one point he suggested that maybe she had so many conflicts with her friends on the show because she is a moron. He also suggested that all her friends would be living in trees if it weren't for Television. And then he asked her if she wanted to go to dinner sometime and she answered "You mean tonight?" I bet he gets a kick out of having people like her and Paris Hilton on to make fun of once in a while. Bill O Reilly was also on talking about his new book. They didn't fight as much as last time.

Busy day yesterday, but I think my test went well. The rest of this week will be slightly busy too. I am tired already. I think I need to get more sleep or take more Flinstone Vitamins. For Halloween, Village Inn has decided not to close, and guess who gets to work that night? Its insane. I am just going to have to work all night, probably from 6:00pm to 4:30am. They also came up with the novel idea to serve all you can eat pancakes all night long. Which means I am going to be running my butt off at 2:00 in the morning for all these kids who come in after the Howl (Big USU party) gets out. Not looking forward to it. This is who I am going to be for Halloween.

For those not in the know, that is Billy Mitchell, world Donkey Kong champion and first ever to complete a perfect game of pac-man. And yes, he is scary. Don't beleive me? Rent King Of Kong: Fistful of Quarters. It was one of last years highest rated films critically and it is one of the funniest things I have ever seen. You will not regret it.

No videos today.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Rhymes, Weekends, Buck 65, Voting

I thought of a great rhyme today to put into one of my tunes. Here it is.

Knees don't bend, so I bow to No man
Rappers these days are just sticking to the program
Paying child support for 6 kids is really no plan
Yet they choose this instead of using the Tro-jan?

Actually, I probably will never use that one but it made me laugh when it popped in my head yesterday. I have some more that I may share periodically that might not make the cuts.

I did do the cornmaze this weekend and it was fun. I was uncontrollably making these strange noises whenever some worker would pop out and start up a chainsaw. About midway through the maze some 12 yr old kids got the pee scared out of them and grabbed onto my arms, scaring the pee out of me. I told them to calm down and then they said, "Sorry, can we just walk with you for a minute?" It was pretty funny and the group I was with had to ask them why they gravitated toward me of all people. I then entertained myself the rest of the maze by lying to them about what was ahead as if I was an expert. "Around one of these next corner's is Dracula, and he will swoop out from the sky so be watching! I've done this maze before!"

The rest of the weekend flew by. Saturday I took my brother in law to the airport, ate Lunch with my grandparents, did a pumpkin walk with the family, and then worked til about 11:00. Sunday I just worked all morning and studied for Monday's Physiology Exam which is going to be Hell. But I have been there and done that before so I will be fine. It was called Ochem.

Most people will not care about this, but I wanted to reccommend some Hip Hop Music. For the past 6 years or so, I have been under the opinion that Buck 65 from Canada, (Richard Terfry) is the greatest rapper alive today. Well, he proved himself again recently, declaring that he will no longer charge for his music. Never. He will release it online periodically. So he is a musician who has a job (he works and CBC radio 2 and dj's the drive program which is amazing) and still does the music thing. The only incentive being to create. He is not all talk either, in the last 3 months he recorded like 70 songs and has released a three part album, one hour each album. Its called Dirtbike and it is probably the best and most progressive rap music I have heard in years. Its of course better than any radio thug rap, but its even lightyears beyond the "cool" underground indie rap that people are catching on to these days. He straight up kills it. Anyways, its really low fi home recordings but they are fantastic for how fast he did it. Check it out if your into that sort of thing. Or look up his latest studio album Situation on Itunes. Actually, why make you go to that trouble? Just watch this! Just one of the many of my favorite music videos by ol' Buck. A bit strange, just know it is inspired by and old wrestling show and the music comes from that.

Im reading 1984 for the second time and loving it. Not sure I got everything in Sophomore year of High School. Its really funny and serious at the same time. I'm about half way through it.

Voting season looms. If there is anything that makes me NOT want to vote, this is it. Especially because of Ashton Kutcher and Jonah Hill, but all the celebrities have a way of making me want to do the exact opposite of what they are saying. know what I mean? I even like some of these peoples' work, but here, they are just talking heads for a good cause in an annoying way. Check it.

Back to studies.....yo.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Jackolanterns, The Office, Pedegg hypnotism

I carved pumpkins yesterday at my Sister's house. I made one that looks like this.
Dane made one with like 8 faces on it. We eventually talked him into just carving 2 of the 8 designs he had drawn on the pumpkin. We also commented on how strange a tradition this whole thing is. I wonder who the first to do it was and what they were thinking? Lets make scary faces on these vegetables!!! Why do I wonder about things anymore when there exists the internet?
Explanation Copied and pasted below thanks to:

"The phrase "jack o'lantern" is British and dates back to the 17th century, when it meant "man with a lantern" -- a night watchman. It was also a nickname for the natural phenomenon known as ignis fatuus (fool's fire) or "will o' the wisp," the mysterious, flickering lights sometimes seen over wetlands and associated in folklore with fairies and ghosts."

"Over time "jack o'lantern" became a popular term for a homemade object also known as a "turnip lantern," defined by Thomas Darlington in his 1887 volume The Folk-Speech of South Cheshire as "a lantern made by scooping out the inside of a turnip, carving the shell into a rude representation of the human face, and placing a lighted candle inside it." In some parts of Great Britain carrying jack o'lanterns was known as a form of pranksterism. As Darlington writes, "It is a common device of mischievous lads for frightening belated wayfarers on the road." In other locales (or perhaps in earlier times) people carved jack o'lanterns on the eves of All Saints and All Souls Days to represent souls of the dead trapped in Purgatory."

"According to legend, the jack o'lantern was named after a reprobate Irishman called Stingy Jack who tricked the Devil into promising he wouldn't go to hell for his sins. When Jack died he learned he was barred from heaven, so he went down to the gates of hell after all to beg for a final resting place. Wouldn't you know it, the Devil kept his promise, dooming Jack to wander the earth for all eternity with only an ember of hellfire of to light his way. Thenceforth he was known as Jack O'Lantern."

"It wasn't until Irish immigrants brought the custom of carving jack o'lanterns to North America that pumpkins began to be used for that purpose, and not until the late 19th century that pumpkin carving became a Halloween fixture."

Now you are better educated on this holiday tradition thanks to me. Basically the pumpkin is a replacement for a turnip and was originally used as a lantern. It still doesn't explain exactly why they were carving turnips into lanterns in the first place, it seems to me that there should exist better options for lighting your way, but oh well. Don't be a bum...carve a jack o lantern this year. I like this idea.
Speaking of pumpkins, we have a pumpkin pie that has been sitting in our fridge for about 2 weeks now from Village Inn. I better take care of that, its getting to be about that time.....

I watched the Office yesterday night as well...its starting to have to stretch to make "office" jokes. I mean this place obviously does ZERO work whatsoever. They have a party every other day!!! I think that may be why the British one was so superior. When David Brent didn't perform they canned him!

Also, they only did 12 episodes and a finale special so it didn't have to drag on so long. Anyways, while flipping channels I ran into this commercial twice tonight.

As of tonight I have purchased two of these things. I hope I don't see that commercial again, because I am running out of space for them! Dang clever advertisers convincing me with their amazing selling tactics. I mean how could I pass it up? DONT USE A POTATO PEELER!! And look! Its not even cutting a balloon!! I hope no one I know uses a potato peeler on their feet. Also, there should be some sort of law against showing what the narrator refers to as "nasty foot shavings" on national television, kind of like they are not supposed to show dead bodies on the news. AAAARGGGH

Thats it for today. Hope you liked the History Lesson.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Crack Witch, Anne DeChantraine, and Jessica Simpson

I have a couple of things I want to hit on today...a bit of a longer one.

I think I am going to a corn maze tonight and that should be fun. But everytime I think of haunted cornmazes, I think of this awesome story that happened to my sisters Amy and Lori a couple of years ago. I guess they went to one in a big group towards the end of the Halloween season and got a bit more than they bargained for. From what I understand, it was one of the last nights the corn maze was open, so the weirdos that they get to haunt the place really were living it up and going the extra mile to scare the bejeesus out of the poor corn maze customers that night. In particular there was a certain haunter dressed up as what they describe as "A Coked-up Witch". Anyways, this guy was following them around the whole entire maze trying to scare them, and it got a little out of hand. Usually at these things, the haunters are not allowed to touch you at all. This night, however, said "Coked-up Witch" was not obeying the rules. My sisters swear he was on drugs, because supposedly he was grabbing and pulling people around corners and grabbing their arms and dragging them away and whatnot. The worst part was that he was comfortable in the maze, so just when they would think that they had lost him, he would pop out of some corner having taken a short-cut to where they would end up. After several horrific occurances with this guy, and threatening him that they would tell his manager what he was doing, they finally found the exist. But as they were going towards the parking lot, they heard a blood-curdling scream. Looking behind them they saw coked-up witch tearing out of the exit like a madman running after them. At this point it really became a scene from a horror film as they screamed and ran for the car, fiddling with the key to get in before crack witch caught up with them. They were not fast enough, the witch caught my sister Amy as she was getting in the car and began to yank her out. At this point she was balling and Lori had had enough, so she went around the car and began to punch the witch in the face to get him to release his grip. As hard as she was wailing on him, it seemed to have very little effect. He just kept going and chanting his weird little noises. Anyway, they finally did get the doors shut and locked and drove away still scared out of their minds. I tell the story because I really hope it doesn't happen to me. I would hurt somebody I am afraid. I punch much harder than Lori.

Oh by the way, the picture at the top and to the left is Anne DeChantaine, the Witch, and that is generally the character I picture when I am thinking of above story witch Crackhead witch in the corn maze. In all actuallity, Anne is a character is a game my family used to play called Atmosfear. It is a board game about Harbingers trying to escape from Hell and the Gatekeeper, this guy who looks like The emporor from Star Wars. While you play the game you watch a movie and it is pretty intense, if you dont beat it by the time the game is over, the Gatekeeper condemns you to hell. Just a nice little FHE game at the Kenley's house. My brother got it for Christmas and was so excited even before he knew what it was that he cried. For those who have played Atmosfear, especially my family, were you aware that Atmosfear is a trilogy and has several spinoffs? I did not either but it seems to be the case. I smell a great x-mas present coming to Fredrick Keith in San Diego this year!!!!!

Ok and on a much lighter note. I hate Jessica Simpson so much. I didn't have any contempt for her until she decided to do that newly wed show and I had a chance to hear her speak. Then she did that whole Dukes of Hazzard thing and a couple other really crappy movies to prove to the world she was multi-talented and failed. Since them I have tried to ignore her as much as possible, but at times it cannot be done. The video below would actually be funny if it were not so annoying. Its from a variety show that she put on a few years ago. All the youtube comments praise this video, but it drives me CRAZY!!!! I really have the urge to reach through the screen and punch her in the face on this one. What is she doing with her hands? Why is she wearing that big pink flower on her blouse? Why is she singing in that weird breathy voice? I am not a Jewel fan, but even less now that I know that she agreed to stand next to Jessica Simpson and endure her weird faces during this song. Watch it for yourself, its absolutely excruciating.

Hope you enjoyed that bit of torture. I have a really good post idea for tomorrow.

Physics, Jolie Holland, Hulk, and Rogers

I just got out of Physics Class. I enjoy it very much. I got 100% on my last test on oscillations and that is enough to make you in a good mood about absolutely everything. Actually I do like it though, the concepts are pretty straight forward and you can visualize the examples made much more so than in Chemistry. Today we talked about chaos in weather patterns and how it relates to Newton's 2nd, among other things.

I think tonight I might be going to a great concert tonight. Her name is Jolie Holland and she is an alt-country/jazz singer. I am pretty excited, I have been listening to her stuff for about 2 years now, and it just keeps getting better and better. Her new album is fantastic and is called "The Living and the Dead." For a bit of a sample check out I dont know too many people who do not enjoy this stuff.

Watched the Incredible Hulk last night. He indeed does some incredible things. It really wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. My nephew can't figure out whether the incredble Hulk is a good guy or a bad guy. Oh these complex characters. Word is, that this movie is much more like the Bill Bixby show. In fact Lou Ferigno has a small cameo. My sister Rita liked Hulk when she was very young. Remember this?

Oh and on a completely seperate note, I like this alot

Man, Mr. Rogers was such a nice guy. I think its funny how he acts as if he is 5 years old when he talks to children. "That's a peice of cardboard isn't it?" I think even Jermaine had to be thinking, "WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE!" This may have been break dancing's first exposure to a children's television progam and it is funny!

More later......

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Bowie vs. Jagger

Please vote who you think is the better dancer, leave a comment.
And then vote who you think comes off as being more gay. My opinion rests on Jagger for both sadly, although Bowie puts up a fight. Strangely enough, my favorite moves are actually from Bowie, first when he jumps off the staircase, and second when he is kicking from behind one of the doors and somehow appears on the opposite side afterwards at about 2:08 into the video. I also think that this video would have been so hard not to laugh during. Or maybe they were serious.


I am going to start this blog. Now.
Why? Because I want to post things that I want to post and I want to Comment on Tina's Blog. Just kidding. Although that is the best blog on the internet. Funny.
And I will post awesome stuff.